We recently went to an amusement park.

You will never hear me utter those words again.

Why do people enjoy that kind of thing? It was horrible. HORRIBLE. There was nothing amusing about it. I will remove my toes with a butter knife before I go to another one.

In theory, it was a great idea. We went with Handsome Boy's tee-ball team, to celebrate the end of the season. I was actually looking forward to it, since the parents are a really fun group, and I never say that. The coaches were`fun too, and had arranged a whole package of things to do at the park. A Saturday in the summer at the amusement park! Sounds great, doesn't it?

It was not great.

It was a horrible effing nightmare of a hot, sweaty day spent mixing with the thousands of great unwashed (and I mean NOT WASHED) who had the same ridiculous idea.

The fun people I was looking forward to spending the day with? Gone. Chasing their own little lunatics, just like I was, who could not possibly decide between playing yet another game to win yet another stuffed animal, or waiting in another line to go on another kiddie ride.

I do not like rides. I am the anti-rider. I do not like speed, I do not like the feeling of falling, and most of all I do not like making ridiculous faces that invariably end up on a photograph. Bad, all of it. DID I MENTION IT WAS HOT?

Then it began to rain. Scratch that. The skies opened and water streamed from the heavens, even though the ninety degree temperature did not drop one smidge.

Now do you get it?

But Denise, aren't you the one who rhapsodizes so longingly for Disneyworld to anyone who will listen? How is this different? What's with the hate?

It just is. Mostly because when I am at Disneyworld, at the end of the day I get to go back to a beautiful luxury resort and get completely, ridiculously pampered. After a hot, sweaty, crowded day at the local park, I got to go home and make dinner. That's oh so wrong.

What? What was that? I am oh so spoiled? You are oh so correct.