Holy god -- where have I been? One post in all of May? Is there a "Lamest Blogger" award? I'm a shoe-in....

So anyway, I went away a few weekends ago. Let me say this to all the stay-at-home moms out there: GO AWAY. Now, usually I mean that in a completely different vein, but this time I mean that you have to leave your children every now and again for longer than a few hours. Longer than lots of hours. You have to leave them for many consecutive days. Everyone is happier afterwards. Happy, happy.

I went to Manhattan, two hours and many, many worlds from here. I met one of my dearest friends (hi there, you. put that device DOWN for two seconds.) and we had a TOTAL splurge of a weekend. We went here, which you absolutely MUST do the next time you are in New York, and ps do an all day package, and we stayed here. Now do you know what I mean when I say splurge? Worth every single little penny, let me tell you. A girl needs to spoil herself every now and again, am I right? Or, as often as possible, whatever.

We did the following: eating, drinking, spa-ing, napping, shopping, drinking and eating. I think we worked out once, but only so we could order another martini. We shopped at the yummy Scoop downtown, and at the register I saw a pack of Spanx, which I had never worn before. Needed, yes; worn, no. The size on the package indicated that I would be almost exactly in the middle of two sizes, and my so-called dearest friend advised me to go for the smaller size.

She is so off the Christmas card list.

Do I look better in the Spanx? Yes, I do. Do I seem to have fewer "bumps" in the Spanx? Yes, I do. Do I have better color in my face in the Spanx? I do, thanks for asking. Is my blood pressure higher in the Spanx? Since all the blood in my body is being squeezed upward at the time, yes I do. I also seem to burp more frequently, due to some sort of bodily function on which I do not wish to linger. Additionally, I think that I breathe in an adequate fashion less frequently, but since I am a "glass is half full" type of gal, I choose to see this as saving me from unnecessary pollutants. Turn that frown upside down, is what I always say.

Here's the thing: I never leave home without them now. The other day I wore my Spanx under leggings with a camisole and dress on top. Combine that with my bra and I'm pretty sure I could have gone scuba diving in that getup.